人就是這樣的軟弱無力



工作時, 會覺得再頂唔順
辭職後, 就開始感到後悔
新工落實後, 立刻又開始猶豫


我決定
將一切交托

cliche

career , relationship , marriage , family , home
here we come the very critical stage in our life
that we are making all sorts of important decisions within these few years
there are all sorts of struggles , problems , difficulties

are we just doing what everyone is doing
is it the only way to feel safe and secure
is this what we call living
time past even before we start doubting
we are holding on tight for things that we think we can let go
we are moving forward as fast as we can
so fast that we are not even be able to take a look at what's happening around us
we are so used to be exhausted
so used to be drained
that we don't even have the energy to make a change

it's sad
it's such a cliche

m i brave enough?

squash day

it's a total new experience to play squash after work
and it felt extremely well!
to have a bit of exercise
plus just a simple dinner together

it absolutely brought me lots of pleasure
that i couldn't even explain why

little girl

this is the cutest little girl in my group session

she's happy, cheerful, positive, helpful

in the class

she's always the one who give you the very positive and active response

keep helping you to try get the naughty boy sit well

while she was being bullied (i guess it happens in their daily life as well)

she would just cry a little bit

and she would be happy again

in the last session

there was a little boy keep looking at her zipper on the jacket

she didn't got irritated but then she open her jacket

and tell the boy that there's nth inside

this way or the other

how adorable and how considerate she is

and

their smile just worth everything

thanks my Lord

that i'm totally blessed
with the unconditional love
from my parents, and
from you and you and you.

i just dun deserve it

road

遙遙長路
沒法看清楚
沒有符合很多的入學要求
沒有60萬的儲備供我安心申請入學
沒有很多信心可以將之成為真正的職業

在什麼也沒有的情況下
我就先選擇連安定的工作收入也放棄

開始覺得很不安
很不安
很不安

finally

may be i'm too boring
that i keep updating the blog everyday
and i finally got settled with this one....

sometimes

i just want to break the rules
and do what i want to do

but
what is it that i really wanted to do

dull

雖天陰陰 灰沉沉
像極我的心情

即便如此
跟你們分享像這樣的一整個下午
難得悠閒
難得快樂

mistery

一個相隔七年幾沒見的朋友
所謂的朋友
其實是當年我們一班同學仔
在社區中心認識的社工
想不到今天他有財政困難
會忽然想起我們中間其中一位同學

事件非常懸疑

難得的事
這班同學彼此間的默契
還有那份單純的愛心

clients

在therapy裏
那些被治療的人, 稱client
因為他們不一定是病人, 他們只是治療的對象
在我們的小組實習session
有一個client
在課室裏小便
是真的就在他的坐位上小便
而且不只一次
而且他去完還要就近去聞
而且他用腳踏上去
而且他還坐了一下在上面
而且雖然我們2個人對4個clients
竟然我們在他完成小便後才發現
這件事
令人很震驚
更震驚的是
第二次的實習
還只是開始的階段, 他便重施故技
開始不久便在坐位裏小便
救命....

在想在想在想...
老師說attention seeking 是很表面的想法
到底...想小狗擺地盤的假設是對是錯
很想find out.

進行了兩節的實習
好壞參半
有完全失控的情況
也有喜出望外的時刻
過程是享受的
但每個禮拜五就要開始調較心情
將心放開
用心去笑用愛去包容
然後到星期日的晚上又要開始戒備進入狀態
身體還得在沒休息
禮拜六日比平日更早起的情況下保持狀態

連續的角力
其實是真的吃不消
有點揮之不去的鬱悶...

totally different world

我每天生活的那地方
講的是效率, 機靈, 手段, 口才, 技巧

然後...........
實習開始
一下子書本的理論變成為現實
講的是同理心, 以對方為出發點的方法,
一切都關於愛

是因為後者處於開始的階段
是因為我已經被世界同化
是我根本不適合還是沒法放下
我搞不清楚

只知道
每況愈下
工作按量計是輕省了
可是麻煩的人沒有減少
內部依然有很多每天令我血壓急升的魔鬼
那些真的恨不得他們將來下地獄的人
(yes, ms kwan, that's really the thougth that pop in my mind)
於是愈來愈煩燥
愈來愈辛苦

知道早晚都是離開的時候
理應可以撇脫一點
可是愈是想闊佬懶理
心裏又愈是掛牽愈是難受
愈搞就愈煩
然後又不禁在擔心未來的去向
被這些問題一直的繞圍著
心都沒法開

boring

很悶

像死水

想去玩

但擔心時間用了其他事情沒法做好, 一大堆要處理的功課和實習

又生怕錢花了沒回頭

驚呢樣驚果樣

諗黎諗去

結果又唔見得productive得去邊

然後得個悶字

悶悶不樂

decision

decision has to be made
終於我作了這個決定
前面的路我不知道要怎麼走
我只知道我快將堅持不了
繼續下去
遲到玩完

忐忑...

enuf

從沒如此接近崩潰的邊緣
工作至筋疲力竭
精神, 心力, 體力, 腦力一同各力
接下超出能力範圍的伴奏
夜晚回家還得按下mute制用餘下的氣力練琴
結果有一晚竟然連被還沒有蓋好就昏睡過去
還有功課一點未準備好
最怕是
樣樣事都沒法做到最好
不想放棄任何一方面的 quality
無奈時間有限
其實好多時候除了眼巴巴的看著時間一點一點過去
還可以做什麼

看不到出路
還是把眼光心思都放錯了位?

ruby

very lovely couple
a very lovely and touching night
simply wish you happy forever

family dinner

我唔明點解得幾個人
間屋得幾百呎咁大把
講野要開大個喉嚨黎講
其實一個一個慢慢講細細聲
唔係仲聽得清楚咩
嘈到我頭都爆
頂.

budapest

came back from this lovely place

it should have been a nice few days

for working and as well for a bit of break from the everyday hectic

there is a great place
just that job is bit mess
weather is bit too cold
and that's why i can only feel tired and sick now...

birthday

sometimes i just want a real rest